Thursday, November 4, 2010

Woman, Who Should Validate You?

For years, I struggled with trying to please people.  I was always hoping to do or say things "just the right way."   As a result, I became performance driven.  No matter what I did, I constantly pictured certain people in my mind as if I needed their approval for who I was or what I was attempting to do. What pressure I put myself under!  Notice, I said "I put myself under". 

In the process, I had given others the authority to toy with my life.  I could not blame them for disagreeing with me or just ignoring all my hard work to please them because they never asked to be put in that position in the first place.

I remember the times I shared information which was really important to me with certain individuals.  I had hoped they would validate me and rejoice over the news I was sharing.  You can imagine my disappointment at those times when they did have anything to say or worse, they switched to another conversation!  Their lack of response left me wondering, “did I say the wrong thing?”  Or, “Should I have said something different?"  The last straw came the day I shared some news with a friend about a growth spurt.  When she just sat there on the phone as if I had not said anything, I was heartbroken.  I will always remember how my baby, who was sitting on my lap, reached up and put her hands over my mouth as if gently saying "Enough".

After I ended that call, I was upset with my friend because of her lack of response.  Then I felt ashamed for sharing in the first place.  I prayed about it and said to myself "This is over.  I am taking back the authority I have given to anyone over my life to VALIDATE me". I decided then that no one has the power to tell me  when to get up, sit down, sing, talk, eat, sleep, how to raise my children, be a wife to my husband, or what I should be doing with my life right now.  I no longer needed anybody to tell me "I'm Okay."

I realized that there is no "Right Way" to ever please ANYBODY!

Woman no one can VALIDATE who you are.  All they can do is either confirm what the Lord says about you or try and tear down what He has said concerning you. 

Let this be the day, that you begin taking back the authority that you have given to people in your life—be they people who you are in close relationship with, people in your workplace, in your church or even your neighbors.   The day is over when you need someone to say you are ready to XY&Z. You fill in the blank.  Don't let another day pass you by when you have to depend on someone else's opinion about YOU!

Don't say you can't do it, because you can.  You were the one who gave them the authority, anyway.

So, the next time you feel like calling ________ or emailing______ or running by ______ home to share something that you are excited about, check your motive. Consider why you are seeking their opinion or feedback.  Girl, you've got it going on.  Why worry about what others have to say?


  1. We as women are(what seems like) genetically flawed in the way of only finding our value in others' opinions of us. That explains why we have the highest death rates with the most causes, we put everyone above ourselves(generally). I love your post

    Marie Crist
    Citizen Out

  2. Thanks so much.... I truly agree with your comment, as well... Thanks for joining my blog.

  3. OMG this has been me for soooooo long. The last few years I've been changing things. My mother let's me know I'm being selfish (in her eyes) so I don't just have to imagine it but it's time.

    Please check out and follow my blog!

  4. Hi Ellen.....

    I trust this writing will Empower and Inspire you to live differently.